Lessons Learned from My First Year in Ministry

This post is part 2 of a 10 part series highlighting lessons I have learned in my first year of ministry. It was difficult to reduce the list to just 10 (actually, I believe my initial list exceed 20 lessons). If I feel energetic enough, I may post (without explanation) the additional 10 items at the end of this series.

I should note that a series such as this has its own "sensitivities". It is perhaps more revealing that it should be regarding the situation in which one is pastoring. However, this particular series is intended to encourage and identify with other young men in the pastorate, which does require a certain level of transparency. Of all the lessons in this series, #9 is perhaps the most tender.

Previous Posts in Series:
Lesson #10: Never Punch Out

Lesson #9: They had to hate someone, it might as well be me.

Jesus had to deal with a lot of difficult people. Zealots, Pharisees, Sadducees, Roman officials, a disgruntled disciple, irrational crowds...the list goes on. Most of these were outside his "movement", others were within it, still others were deep within his inner circle.

Some people just choose to be angry. In my own context, this has come (to a small degree) from "within", and to a much larger degree from those "without". When compared to what Jesus went through, my own difficulties are very mild in comparison.

As a pastor, I have come to see dealing with difficult people as part of my sacred calling. Ministry is not performed in a vacuum. Rather, it is enacted upon a stage built upon the foundation of utter depravity. Ministry is truly the "front lines" of biblical spirituality lived out on earth. A minister can no more complain about the presence of angry & bitter people than a marine can complain about the presence of enemy fire. Such difficulties are part of the reason our position exists.

Being on the 'front lines' (as it relates to dealing with angry people) means of course that the vast majority of believers do not have to. Just as the marine enduring enemy fire enables the common citizen to live in relative safety, so the minister being abused by bitter people helps shield the sheep from their ravenous attacks. I have come to the conclusion that such people have hate and bitterness in their very nature. Thus, they are "wired" to hate. If it wasn't me, it would be someone else...perhaps someone too weak to endure it. Praise God that in his sovereignty he has chosen & equipped ministers to 'take a bullet' for his Bride.

Think about that! Jesus is so in love with his Bride (the Church), that he willingly died for her. Furthermore, he has called certain individuals to also put their lives on the line (through his power) for her sake (and to Jesus, the Bride is worth the discomfort, even when it is the Bride who is doing the abuse). In other words, we are to love the sheep---even the sheep that bite!

Yet how should the minister deal with difficult people--even difficult Christians? Here are some general lessons I am learning:

1. Realize you can't please everybody (John 5:31). Even God can't do that! People will remain unconvinced of your love for them, despite your best efforts.
   
2. Some people are so ill-tempered that your only option is to have nothing to do with them (Prov 22:24; 29:22; ).
   
3. Refuse to play their game (Matt. 22:18). Learn to say no to unrealistic expectations. Confront them by "telling the truth in love."
4. Never retaliate (Matt. 5:38-39). It only lowers you to their level.
5. Pray for them (Matt. 5:44). It will help both of you. Let God handle them.*

Perhaps the most important verse regarding this issue is found in Romans 12:18. It states, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all" (ESV). While it is true that the manner in which we interact with difficult people can soften the situation (Prov. 15:1), it is also true that this is no guarantee. Paul recognizes this reality when he states "if possible" and "as far as it depends on you". Some people will just choose to be angry, obstinate, and disgruntled. It is beyond my power to keep this from happening, but within my power is the ability to live in a peaceable manner amongst those are ill-tempered.

Pastors, the next time someone in your church gives you a difficult time, mentally make the "sheep sound"" bbbbaaaaaaa! It helps remind me how precious this difficult, hate-filled, bitter person is in the eyes of God. It also helps me remember this Christian brother(s) or sister(s) is not the enemy, even though they are trying to make themselves that. It is my duty to love them--though sometimes we must love them "at a distance" (see point #2 above).

Pastors, they had to hate someone--praise God that it is us.


* Some of these principles are based on an online article written by Rick Warren.